Come see our sink grown plant.
i came on her dog
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Couch. On fire.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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