Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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