after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
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Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
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He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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