I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
