im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I stole a fireplace last night.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
