4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
