Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
