I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
