feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
