Your favorite bartender is back from prision
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
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