Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
