He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
