Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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