I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
