My hair reeks of homosexuality.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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