Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
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How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
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so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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