Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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