I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
