i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize