You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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