Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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