i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
