One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
