he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
We had sex on a dog bed..
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
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