i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
dude i'm inner monologue high
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
