hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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