It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Randomize
