she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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