sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
