at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
