Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
