community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Randomize
