he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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