it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
