There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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