Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
