Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
