well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I don't deserve a penis
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
