My room smells like vodka and shame
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
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I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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