what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
