my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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