It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
