Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
