She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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