and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
