She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
