I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He better not be in your backpack
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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