remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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