You made me cry and you don't even care
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
