I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
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I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
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YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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