Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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