I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
