i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
