woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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