Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
