She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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