i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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