he was CRYING into my vagina
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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