He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
