I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
