Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
operation harelip BJ is a go
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
