I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
