he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
