apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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