look no pants
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
