now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
These tits shall not be calmed
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