Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
