i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Randomize
