I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
