She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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