I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
We're hate flirting, damnit.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
