Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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