It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
