I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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